Link's Diary, er, Journal
by SireenC
Summary: Written by Sireen's sister, Peleus. This is an entirely humor fic based on the N64 game Ocarina of Time. What would Link write into his journal, if he had one? And we learn that Link is not the brightest boy when it comes to detecting evil...
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Yes, this is under the name SireenC, but I assure you that it was, in fact, her sister Peleus who wrote this…Sireen is currently unable to write humor, as school is too close to being in session. So, Peleus, who is very obsessed with the games of Link (mostly the N64 Ocarina of Time, of which this is written from), decided Link needed a diary…er, a journal to write his adventures in. So, this came about, and here you go. THIS IS A WORK IN PROGRESS. She has more written, but will be updating regularly…hopefully.

Disclaimer: I do not own Link or anything or anyone else that belongs to the rightful owners of Link and everything/everyone else. They belong to someone who isn't me. They're not mine. Don't even own the idea of a journal.

Day One

Just the other day, I was complaining because everyone else has a fairy and I did not. I told them that my birthday was coming up, and I wanted a fairy. No one paid much attention to me; they just walked away without saying anything.

Then I guess someone got tired of my complaining because this morning a fairy came to me. The fairy's name is Navi, and she is very annoying. She keeps telling me that I need to go see the Great Deku Tree. I heard that he is a cool guy. Maybe he will give me candy? Also I tried to sell Navi to the Kokiri shop, but they would not take her so I guess that I am stuck with her.

Finally, I get Mido out of my way, and I go to see the Deku Tree. He rambles on about evil things then tells me to go inside of him. What! I am not going in there--it is dark, scary, and I do not want to know what the Deku Tree ate. Navi went in so I have to follow I guess. It is not like anyone in Kokiri Forest would miss me if I die anyway.

I made it through the place alive and got a cool slingshot as a prize. I wonder why the Deku Tree ate that? I also wonder how it feels to have spiders crawling around inside of you. Navi was nervous when I used fire inside of the tree because I could have burned the whole place down.

Then the Deku Tree gave me the Spiritual Stone of the Forest, Kokiri's Emerald, and then died. I did all that work for nothing but a stupid stone. Why did he make me do it if he was going to die anyway? The biggest waste of my time for sure.

Day Two

Today I have to leave the forest to go to Hyrule Castle to visit Princess Zelda. Someone told me that the Kokiri people die if they leave the forest, so why are they asking me to leave? Is this some kind of test to see if I really do die? I start to cross the bridge when Saria stops me and gives me the fairy ocarina to remember her by. Does she know that I am supposed to save Hyrule not run around and play songs? I take it anyway and try to play something. The ocarina sounds like junk and is probably cheap. This is all I get for a good-bye present; a junky fairy ocarina.

Surprisingly I do not die when I leave the forest, but I do meet an owl that can talk. Another surprising thing is that I can understand him! Maybe that is why all of the Kokiri people die when they leave the forest--they meet a giant talking owl and fall over in shock. Anyway the owl does not tell me anything that I do not already know, so after he leaves I continue on to the town market named Market. They at least could have come up with something cool.

In the market I meet a pretty red-haired girl named Malon, and she seems nice and all. There is another weird lady, who I thought was dancing. But she claims her back is itchy, and she is not dancing. I move away slowly and then run for the castle.

Day Three

I met the freaky giant owl again, this time near the castle gates. He is really strange; he can turn his head completely upside down and still look normal. He told me that I will have to sneak past the guards to get into the castle. Also before I go I met Malon again. She said for me to find her dad and to wake him up with this and then hands me an egg. Am I supposed to throw it at him?

I found out that the egg hatches into a rooster which crows to wake Malon's dad, Talon, up. Why do their names only have a one letter difference? Anyway I told him that Malon was waiting for him, and he ran off quickly. Maybe I was wrong about her being nice.

After I finally get into the castle, I meet Zelda, who I think is pretty ugly. She keeps freaking me out by telling me that she dreams about me. I smile and nod like a good little boy as she tells me about the Triforce. Then she has me spy on someone that she claims is evil. He does not look evil to me--he just likes to wear red and black clothes and has a smile that says he will one day rule Hyrule, but I think he is probably quite a nice guy. He is bowing to the king after all; he cannot be too bad.

Zelda tells me to find the other two Spiritual Stones and sends me away to her attendant, Impa. I pee-ed my pants the first time I saw her, I was so scared. She taught me Zelda's Lullaby, and I hope that she does not plan on making me baby-sit. She also tells me to head to Death Mountain.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Yes, this is under the name SireenC, but I assure you that it was, in fact, her sister Peleus who wrote this…Sireen is currently unable to write humor, as school is too close to being in session. So, Peleus, who is very obsessed with the games of Link (mostly the N64 Ocarina of Time, of which this is written from), decided Link needed a diary…er, a journal to write his adventures in. So, this came about, and here you go. THIS IS A WORK IN PROGRESS. She has more written, but will be updating regularly…hopefully.

Disclaimer: I do not own Link or anything or anyone else that belongs to the rightful owners of Link and everything/everyone else. They belong to someone who isn't me. They're not mine. Don't even own the idea of a journal.

Day Four

I had to defeat the evil in Dodongo's Cavern before Darunia gave me the Spiritual Stone of Fire. Why is this stone so important that he couldn't have just given it to me right there? Dodongo's Cavern was harder then what the Deku Tree made me do. This place had too much fire and lava. I do not like fire; it burns and is much too…fiery.

I got to the boss and found out that it was a giant Dodongo. Really, who would have thought? The place is just named Dodongo's Cavern and had a bunch of dodongo's running around. There I was, hating fire and every time I got close to it, the dodongo spat a fire ball at me.

Note to self: Fire balls hurt and take away a lot of hearts. Never stand in one's path again.

My motto is: if you can't hit your enemy with your sword then blow it up, so that is what I did to the dodongo. I ran up to it and threw a bomb at it when it opened its mouth, and you will never believe what it did after that. It ate the bomb-- swallowed it and the bomb was gone! Then the dodongo fell down, and I could hit it with my sword. After a few more hits with my sword, the giant dodongo was toast, as crisp as bacon. That was a good thing because at the time I was hungry. I found out that dodongo meat actually tastes quite nasty, not like chicken at all.

After I killed the dodongo, Darunia gave me the Spiritual Stone of Fire. He claimed that the man, Ganondarf, also had wanted the stone but had refused to fight the evil in Dodongo's Cavern for it. See, if Ganondarf was actually evil and powerful, then he would have fought the evil, and it would have been a piece of cake for him. He just has a hobby of collecting pretty stones.

Darunia called me his brother, and I still wonder if he is blind. He must have realized that I am a little human from Kokiri Forest, and he is a big Goron. I mean, we are not even the same color. I thought at that point that it was time to leave, but two Gorons insisted on hugging me. I do not blame Ganondarf for not hanging around them for long now! I made like a seed shot from a slingshot and got the heck out of there.

Day Five

My next stop was Zora's Domain to get the last Spiritual Stone, the Spiritual Stone of Water. I thought that Zora's Domain was a pretty place to visit, and I enjoyed jumping off of the waterfall until I hit the rocks at the bottom and lost a lot of hearts. I played the Diving Game and won the silver scale, so now I can dive twice as far!

I attempted to talk to the King of the Zora's but all he said was that he was worried about the Princess Ruto. That was great for him to be worried, but at the time I thought that I was a little more important. I needed Zora's Sapphire, and I needed it now. I wanted the stone to be pink because that is my favorite color, but Navi told me that it is blue, I will paint it pink if it turns out blue.

Later, I found a note in a bottle at the bottom of Lake Hylia, which was from Princess Ruto. It said that she was waiting inside of Lord Jabu-Jabu's belly. How she had gotten there in the first place was beyond me. She was probably feeding him and leaned too close and snap, he ate her too. I showed the note to the king, and he wanted me to bring Princess Ruto back. I agreed because I was being everyone's slave these days. The king scooted about three feet across the ledge, and it took him about a day to do so, and a gate appeared that led to Zora's Fountain, where Lord Jabu-Jabu was waiting.

Lord Jabu-Jabu was the biggest fish I had ever seen--or maybe he was a whale? I was trying to figure out how to get inside of him, as I couldn't talk to him because he was a highly unintelligent fish; after all he had eaten a Zora, which couldn't have tasted good. I soon realized that I too would have to feed him and get eaten. Easily done, I was gulped right up, along with the fish I was going to feed him too. I was inside; I guess he eats anything within twenty feet of him. Pig.

Day Six

I found Ruto. She was just standing around, and when I talked to her, she said that she can take care of herself, that she had gone into Lord Jabu-Jabu's stomach before. Why? I had no desire to know, but I found it kind of creepy. She also told me that she wasn't leaving until she found her mother's stone. More stone hunting.

I convinced her to come with me, but I had to carry her. I know that she is a princess and all, but really this was a little much. She weighted a lot more then she thought she did. Once, I got so mad at her that I threw her at Lord Jabu-Jabu's side, and she bounced back and hit me! I swear that she is made of rubber so I had fun throwing her then watching her bounce back after she hit.

After a long time of carrying that lump of rubber, aka Princess Ruto, we came to a room where a pretty blue stone sat on a platform. Apparently that was her mother's stone, which is actually Zora's Sapphire. Darn, it really was blue! Why was Navi always right? I threw Princess Ruto up onto the platform, and she got the stone. Then the platform went up into the ceiling and came back down with an octopus on it. I actually thought that Princess Ruto turned even uglier then before, but when it attacked me, I knew it was not Ruto.

I killed it and proceeded on to the boss, Barinade. It was big and could electrify you…two things that did not go together well, but I, brave little Link, defeated it with the help of my boomerang and sword. I guess Navi helped too. Ruto gave me Zora's Sapphire. She said it is called Zora's engagement ring and she should give it only to the man who she loves and wants to marry. Then the horror--she gave it…to…me.

First the Gorons thought that I was their brother and now fish lady wanted me to marry her! I would marry ugly Zelda before I married a fish! I took the sapphire and got the heck out of Zora's Domain before her father could make wedding plans.

TBC

Reviewers:

Kioasakka: I am glad that you think it is funny. Thank you for reading and reviewing!

Uber Spoonz: Thank you for the helpful review. I will try to stick to the past tense, but if Link was really talented he could fight and write in his journal at the same time :)

Ranma Hibiki: I too like to read the journals, but I do not know why this suddenly popped into my head one day. Thank you for the review.

A note from her sister: Ah, good job, my funny little sister. It brings me such joy to see her grow from her early writing stages to her…not quite as early writing stages…tear. I find that the saddest part is that she has played Zelda: Ocarina of Time so much that she probably does know exactly what Link is thinking…scary…


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Yes, this is under the name SireenC, but I assure you that it was, in fact, her sister Peleus who wrote this…Sireen is currently unable to write humor, as school is too close to being in session. So, Peleus, who is very obsessed with the games of Link (mostly the N64 Ocarina of Time, of which this is written from), decided Link needed a diary…er, a journal to write his adventures in. So, this came about, and here you go. THIS IS A WORK IN PROGRESS. She has more written, but will be updating regularly…hopefully.

Disclaimer: I do not own Link or anything or anyone else that belongs to the rightful owners of Link and everything/everyone else. They belong to someone who isn't me. They're not mine. Don't even own the idea of a journal.

Day Seven

I was supposed to go back to Hyrule Castle to talk to Princess Zelda…or so Navi said. This all could have been a trick, but lately she has been right so I skipped…I mean ran across Hyrule Field and found that the drawbridge was up. I guess the people didn't know that it's daylight out and the bridge should have been down…jeez how stupid can people be these days? I though about pounding on the door until someone let me in.

When I got closer, it got cloudy--funny how the weather changes so quickly. I could have swore that it was sunny a second ago. While I stared at the sky, I failed to notice a white horse that galloped past me, bearing Zelda and Impa. All I heard was a splash as Zelda had thrown the Ocarina of Time, and it landed in the stream next to me. Now why would you do a thing like that? Stupid girl.

Next thing I knew was Ganondarf, on his horse, had stopped and asked me if I saw the white horse go by and which way had it gone? Actually I had not seen the white horse go by; therefore, I did not know which way it had gone. What a nice guy that Ganondarf is! He was playing tag with the princess! I do not think he knew that asking where someone went was cheating, so I told him. He didn't like me telling him that because he sent me flying with a burst of magic. He also asked me if I knew who I was dealing with, then he called himself the great Ganondarf. I guess that he takes tag seriously. I wonder if he is a champion at it or something because he called himself the great Ganondarf.

After Ganondarf left, Navi told me to go into the water and get the Ocarina of Time. What? Why me? It is blue, and I hate blue! I got the Ocarina of Time out of the water anyways. Well, I guess it is better then Saria's junky one. I suddenly saw Zelda; these people are big cheaters when it comes to playing tag--don't they know that you can't be in two places at once? It isn't fair! Zelda taught me the Song of Time and told me to go to the Temple of Time.

Day Eight

I played the Song of Time in front of the alter and the stones appeared out of thin air and sat on the right places on the alter. Those are some stones. The door opened, and I ran back. Navi claimed that the sword stuck in the rock was the Master Sword. I looked around, but failed to find the Apprentice Sword.

Ganondarf came and thanked me for letting him into the Sacred Realm, and I smiled. Yep, anything. If you ever wanted to play tag…darn, he was already gone. So, I went up and pulled out the Master Sword, and then this blue light…why couldn't it have been pink?..shot up. The next thing that I knew was that I was staring at some fat guy named Rauru. Rauru claimed that I was destined to be the Hero of Time, and my spirit was locked away for seven years because I was too young to be a hero back then. Hey, heroes come in all shapes and sizes, fatty. You wasted seven years of my life, and you better have a good reason for doing it. Now I was all grown up, and you know that kids can play tag better than adults. This was a cruel joke.

He told me that Ganondarf become evil and transformed Hyrule into a land of monsters. Wow, that guy went from tag champion to ruler of Hyrule in, like, a year! Well, Zelda cheated, so was he supposed to let her get away with it? I guess he is big on revenge, too. Rauru wanted me to go to the six temples and awaken the sages so then I could stop Ganondarf. What! He is my tag buddy, my best friend, and you want me to kill him? Rauru gave me the light medallion; hey, it is one of those coins like things with chocolate inside! I like him now; he has a sense of taste. That was easy, five more chocolate filled medallions that I have to find then I have to face Ganondarf. I will just follow my nose, and I will be sure to find them. Piece of chocolate.

Day Nine

When I arrived back at the Temple of Time, I met someone named Sheik. I was not sure if Sheik was a girl or a boy so I will call Sheik an it to be safe. It told me that I was not fully equipped to go into the Forest Temple, and I should go to Kakariko Village.

In one of the graves, in the Graveyard outside of Kakariko Village, Dampe wanted to see if I could keep up with him. Of course I can! He is just an old dude, how couldn't I keep up with him? Little did I know that he flies and throws fire at you, but I still kept up with him. I was waiting for him at the end of the race. Then as a prize, he gave me the hookshot. Spring loaded chain, cool little object, quite handy.

The exit led to the inside of the windmill, where a guy is playing a music box, and as I looked him in the face, I realized that he was mad. He said that a kid with an ocarina played a strange song, and it messed up the windmill. Must have been Zelda, she sure does cause a lot of trouble for a princess. He taught me the strange song, and after I got done playing it, it made the windmill spin five times faster then it was already spinning.

I stood on the spinning part and wanted to see how long it was before I got sick. I stood there for a few days then finally I got bored and got off. I missed the door knob several times as I tried to open it.

I arrived at the Forest Temple, and it was a fun place. In one of the rooms, I ran around in circles laughing as the Shadow Monster tried but failed to catch me. I got the awesome fairy bow and shot anything within sight, but only got to kill a few ghosts with it, and I did not even know the ghosts. The boss was the Evil Spirit from Beyond; Ganon's Phantom. I got to play a picture version of find and shoot with an arrow game. Then the Phantom shot a bunch of magic at me, and I shot it right back. I was disappointed that he was not as nice as Ganondarf.

Once I defeated the Phantom, the Deku Tree Sprout told me that I was not one of the Kokiri and told me how I came to live in the forest. I would have offered to live in the forest, but he was kind of rooted to the spot. Also everyone in Kokiri forest said that I reminded them of Link. Hello! I am Link! Jeez, you can't even remember the guy you used to pick on!

Navi told me that the cloud around Death Mountain looks strange. Maybe it is going to storm, did you ever think of that? I guess I should go check it out.

TBC

Reviewers:

Uber Spoonz: I hope this update was fast enough for you!

Lindseyiswicked: I am glad you like it to...thanks for reading too!

Vladimir the Hamster: Haha I have played Legend of Zelda so many times I swear Link remembers what to do :) Thanks for reading.

Knuckles Spyro Fox Link Zidane Sora Artemis: I think I was running around in Lord Jabu-Jabu and was bored so I just started throwing Ruto and found out that she bounced :) Thanks for reading.

Kioasakka: I will be sure to check out your Link stories too :)


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Yes, this is under the name SireenC, but I assure you that it was, in fact, her sister Peleus who wrote this…Sireen is currently unable to write humor, as school is too close to being in session. So, Peleus, who is very obsessed with the games of Link (mostly the N64 Ocarina of Time, of which this is written from), decided Link needed a diary…er, a journal to write his adventures in. So, this came about, and here you go. THIS IS A WORK IN PROGRESS. She has more written, but will be updating regularly…hopefully.

Disclaimer: I do not own Link or anything or anyone else that belongs to the rightful owners of Link and everything/everyone else. They belong to someone who isn't me. They're not mine. Don't even own the idea of a journal.

Day Ten

I climbed Death Mountain, avoiding all spiders and falling objects. When I finally got to Goron City, everyone was gone except one goron who was rolling around on one of the levels. I stood in front of him and threw a bomb at him…that stopped him. He told me that everyone had been taken to the Fire Temple, and Ganondorf planned to feed them to the dragon Volvagia. Oh, a feast--why wasn't I invited? He gave me a pretty red tunic that he claims is heat-resistant. I hope that he is right, because I don't have plans to become bacon anytime soon.

I entered the Fire Temple to meet Darunia, and he said that he is going to try to seal away the dragon, and I am to rescue his people. Why can he get into the room with the huge lock without a key and I can't? When I freed one of his people, they told me that there are fake doors in the temple. I laughed…fake doors, yeah right! Who went around the temple and put up fake doors? I turned the knob of the door, and it fell down on me. There really were fake doors! I had to smack Navi in order to make her stop laughing at me.

I got to the boss, and I defeated Volvagia, of course without losing many hearts, and it turned out that Darunia was the Sage of Fire! I got another chocolate filled medallion, and this one was in red paper. It tasted kind of spicy, and chocolate should never be spicy. When Darunia turned away, I quickly spat it back out and looked around for water, but there is none because I was in the Chamber of Sages, which is basically in the middle of nowhere.

When Darunia turned back to me, I smiled and nodded as he talked even though my tongue was on fire and my eyes were watering. Navi was snickering; it must have looked like I was crying. Darunia didn't seem to notice, and soon I was back at Death Mountain Crater outside the temple. From there I ran back to Goron City and drank all of the water that the store keeper uses to keep the fish in. Then I left an angry owner as I fled the city.

Day Eleven

I went to Zora's Domain to find it frozen. I was actually kind of sad; I liked that place. I also found the king of the Zora's frozen where I left him seven years ago. That is kind of creepy, because he was staring right at me. Zora's Fountain was pretty much the same, except that Lord Jabu-Jabu was gone. I guess they got around to eating him without my help. More disappointment--I was looking forward to eating him. I jumped across the blocks of ice and entered the Ice Cavern.

The Ice Cavern I completed with ease. The hardest thing was a white wolf, and that is way below the level of easy. For my waste of time, I got the Iron Boots. I always wanted to walk underwater, and now I can! I met Sheik again, and it said something about the flow of time. I wasn't listening; I was too busy trying to walk in my new boots. Then it taught me the melody that would get me to the Water Temple. Sheik said it had managed to save Princess Ruto but all the others are still trapped. I say Ruto is just as unimportant as the others so Sheik should have just left her there, but no one listens to me. I left the Ice Cavern after filling a bottle with blue fire. They even make blue fire! It was perfectly fine red! I used the fire to melt the king, who is actually still quite alive, surprisingly. As a reward I got a blue tunic--couldn't have been pink?--which helps me breathe underwater. Neat, sounds like fun.

The next two days I spent trying to drown myself with my blue tunic on. Then I finally found it to be impossible. Navi was nagging at me to go to the Water Temple, so I played the song and headed in.

Day Twelve

The Water Temple didn't look fun at all. It consisted of three levels, which you can raise and lower the water level in those three levels. I got on my iron boots and sank to the bottom level, and in one of the rooms Princess Ruto is waiting. She said I was a terrible man to keep her waiting all these years. Who said that I wanted to marry you anyways? She led me to the place where I lowered the water. There was a symbol of the Triforce on the wall. That's great, but what does that have to do with lowering the water? Oh…so I play Zelda's Lullaby…I thought that was to make things fall asleep. The water completely drained out of the three levels. Darn, how is the water supposed to fill the temple again if it is gone?

It took me forever to realize that I can't pull out my sword underwater; I guess that it will float away or something, but I could use my hookshot. Then I got the Longshot. Hey, it's…longer. I also had to conquer myself as Dark Link. Not fun--now I know how good I really am. Dark Link did everything that I did, but he couldn't use magic so I burned him to ashes with Din's Fire. Ha ha, burn! Then after I defeated myself I realized that the whole room had been an illusion, and I was in a regular room. I wonder who held the mirror so I could fight myself?

The boss was Morpha and kind of hard to beat, but I defeated the monster by hitting the nucleus, and let me say that was one smart nucleus. Princess Ruto was the Sage of Water--who picks these sages anyways?--and she rewarded me with a blue medallion and her eternal love. Everyone loves me, but I will not marry fish lady. I will marry Saria even though she is half of my size. The medallion, to my disappointment, was nasty chocolate; it tasted watered down. Then Lake Hylia was full of water once more, because I defeated the temple. On a stone platform, it said "When water fills the lake, shoot for the morning light." Water fills the lake--check…now I had to shoot the sun. Did they know you can't actually shoot the sun?

I shot at the sun anyways, and I got fire arrows! I actually shot the sun! Maybe if I shot the moon I would get cheese? Now I am going to go show everyone my new fire arrows! I will start in Kakariko Village.

TBC

Reviewers:

Uber Spoonz: Here is your update!

Vladimir the Hamster: Thank-you for telling me about my spelling error; I will try to fix it in the future.

Knuckles Spryo Fox Link Zidane Sora Artemis: Haha, I run around places on the game and try to find weird things like that to do :)

Legona: I am currently writing the section with the Spirit Temple, and it is almost done! Thank-you for reading and reviewing.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: Yes, this is under the name SireenC, but I assure you that it was, in fact, her sister Peleus who wrote this…Sireen is currently unable to write humor, as school is too close to being in session. So, Peleus, who is very obsessed with the games of Link (mostly the N64 Ocarina of Time, of which this is written from), decided Link needed a diary…er, a journal to write his adventures in. So, this came about, and here you go. THIS IS A WORK IN PROGRESS. She has more written, but will be updating regularly…hopefully.

Disclaimer: I do not own Link or anything or anyone else that belongs to the rightful owners of Link and everything/everyone else. They belong to someone who isn't me. They're not mine. Don't even own the idea of a journal.

Day Thirteen

I ran into Kakariko Village with my brand new fire arrows and found the whole village on fire! Everyone was looking at my fire arrows in my hands. I put them away and ran up to Sheik, who was standing by the well. It told me to get back. Hey, who is the Hero of Time? You do not tell me what to do!

Sheik was thrown up into the air and hit the ground, unconscious. I knew it could not fight. These weird things came out of the well, and I stood near Sheik and was ready to fight. They got me too; I guess I am not as good as I thought I was. I awoke to Sheik leaning over me; I think it kissed me. Oh jeez, what if it turns out to be a boy? Sheik told me that evil escaped from the well…no, really? Then it taught me a song to get me to the Shadow Temple, and it told me to go help Impa. Fine, fine, why can't people take care of themselves? Before I go to the Shadow Temple, I needed the Lens of Truth, and I needed to be a kid to get it.

I went to the Temple of Time and put the Master Sword back in the Pedestal of Time, so I got to go back in time seven years. Then I headed over to Kakariko Village and found the well full of water. I learned that the windmill powers the water in the well, and I remembered that guy taught me a song that made the windmill spin faster. I played it, and the water disappeared from the well; now I could go inside the creepy place.

Inside the well, I battled a dead hand--who died? Then my reward was the Lens of Truth. I got out of there before anymore dead hands show up, which are even more creepy then dead people. I made sure I had both of my hands and Navi has….no hands to begin with, ok, then everyone is fine.

Day Fourteen

The Shadow Temple proves to be the creepiest and hardest of the temples so far. It had a bunch of blades waiting to chop my head off, and somehow every time I got hurt, Navi never did. I got these boots that make you fly, and I soon realized that they do not make you fly forever, so I found out when I was standing over a pit of nothingness, and I fell and died. No worries--I had eighteen lives, nine more then cats! Take my advice and never go to this place, as it is not worth your life. I do not care how much you want to see it; you will only end up dead, and then I will probably kill your ghost in the graveyard. Do me a favor and think things through before you go.

In one room, I had to burn the moving walls, and then I got a good chuckle as I watched the mummies burst up in flames and still stay alive. When I got to the boss, I found out that it was called the Bongo-Bongo. Funny how its first name is the same as its last. The Bongo was not fun at all. He must have liked music because he kept bouncing me around on a giant drum. I want a giant drum, and this one is surrounded by lava, even better!

I beat the Bong-Bongo with some major difficulties, I admit. It took me two or three different lives before I beat it. I really wanted to take the drum with me but it was too big to stuff under my shield like I do everything else, so I left it behind. Impa gave me my fourth medallion, and this one was actually edible, so I stuffed it greedily in my mouth and got a bunch of chocolate smeared all over me. I licked my fingers and kindly accepted the napkin that Impa handed to me. She said something about Princess Zelda being safe; yeah, whatever, I could care less.

Navi told me to head to the dessert. Boy, she has been bossy lately. I jumped on Epona and rode away.

Day Fifteen

I arrived at Gerudo Fortress only to be arrested by a bunch of women with sticks. Navi said I should just let them arrest me, but I wanted to kill them all! I could have won easily, sword against sticks. When I got closer I realized that the sticks had a blade at the end, but I still could have won. They threw me into a cell of which I easily got out of and entered one of those pueblo type buildings. A carpenter in a cell asked me to help him. I had to fight one of the gerudo first. This lady had two curved blades and did a spin attack that knocked you down. She was tricky, but I beat her, and she dropped a key and ran…um, you dropped your key; do you want it back? I picked it up and turned around and saw the guy in the cell dancing…excuse me, attempting to dance…and I almost fled, but I managed to unlock the cell and free the guy. Four more of his buddies are trapped…great. He also said that they wanted to join the all women group…excuse me, but I believe you are a man and not a women. Even I knew that, and I didn't even have a mother or father to it explain it to me.

To my horror the carpenter skipped away…skipped…I shuddered. The next gerudo women that I had to fight were not as easy as the first. When she did a spin attack, I jumped to the side and succeed in jumping to the side and confused her, as she was looking all around for me. Then I attacked from behind…haha, sneak attack. I defeated all of the others and freed the carpenters. Who doubted my power?…besides Navi. The Gerudo allowed me into their all women group…I know you think I am handsome and all, but really, I don't want to be part of an all women group. Oh well, maybe I will get free food. One of the Gerudo told me of the Spirit Temple in the desert, but first I have to cross the Haunted Wasteland. Sounded like fun, so I headed on out.

The Haunted Wasteland was anything but fun. In fact it wasn't even exciting; it was just plain scary. I couldn't see a thing out there. Along the way, a guy on a flying carpet told me he would give me something good if I gave him two hundred rupees. Haha, I always wanted a flying carpet, so I gave him two hundred rupees, and he gave me…bombchus. That was a total rip off, so I strung my bow and prepared to kill him, but Navi stopped me and told me that violence is not the answer. Sure it is! That guy just robbed me blind! Fine, I won't kill him…he's lucky that I listened to Navi.

The second half on the way to the temple, I had to follow a poe using the Lens of Truth. Then when I finally made it to the temple, I went inside, read some signs and went back out. Sheik taught me the song that would lead me back to the temple as a child. Ya, fun…not.

TBC

Reviewers:

Jennistar: Glad you like it. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Minishcap1000: I am glad you think they are getting better…I thought they were getting worse :)

Hopeless Maiden: Link probably will like Zelda when she grows up…even I was impressed. You'll have to wait and see!

Vladimir the Hamster: In one of the chapters I stated that they were chocolate filled medallions…I don't know which one though.

Uber Spoonz: Sorry for the long wait…I never feel like typing :)

SilverChaos13: Thank you for reading and reviewing.

From SireenC: Notice how I never get thanked for reading and posting ;)


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: Yes, this is under the name SireenC, but I assure you that it was, in fact, her sister Peleus who wrote this…Sireen is currently unable to write humor, as school is too close to being in session. So, Peleus, who is very obsessed with the games of Link (mostly the N64 Ocarina of Time, of which this is written from), decided Link needed a diary…er, a journal to write his adventures in. So, this came about, and here you go. THIS IS A WORK IN PROGRESS. She has more written, but will be updating regularly…hopefully.

Disclaimer: I do not own Link or anything or anyone else that belongs to the rightful owners of Link and everything/everyone else. They belong to someone who isn't me. They're not mine. Don't even own the idea of a journal.

Day Sixteen

As a child, I went back to the Spirit Temple and met a lady named Nabooru. Hey, you are prettier then Zelda and fish lady, you want to marry me? No, you want me to crawl through this tiny hole and get the Sliver Gauntlets for you…oh sure. You are skinny, why don't you do it yourself? I soon found out the answer to that question when I battled lizards with swords, fire bats, and Iron Knuckles that could do major damage with his axe attack. Haha, good thing I had Narya's Love, a protective magic shield so he couldn't do damage to me, and then I could just hack away at him. As a reward, I got the Sliver Gauntlets, but Nabooru was taken by the evil witches in the temple…sucks to be her. She told me to leave…aw, how sweet; she really does care, but stupid Navi makes me come back anyways. Nabooru said I should leave…who am I to disobey orders?

As an adult I found the temple a whole lot more fun. Once I got a Like-Like dropped on my head. No warning or anything--just fell out of the sky and landed right on my head. I swear I looked at the ceiling before, and nothing was there. I got this awesome new shield called the Mirror Shield, but I really can't see my reflection. Turns out that the mirror shield reflects light. That's not cool; that's weird. What does your shield do? Mine, it reflects light, yours? Am I supposed to blind Ganondorf? Sometimes I just don't get these objects…that somehow got locked up and put inside the temples.

I went inside of a room and found the witches; they rambled about me coming here and then told the Iron Knuckle to destroy me…not cool. The Iron Knuckle started to come at me…um; don't you need your axe? It snapped its fingers and its axe appeared out of nowhere. I want to learn to do that…it would be sweet. The Iron Knuckle turned out to be Nabooru, brainwashed by the witches. How did that skinny little women turn out to be this big, armor covered dead-looking-but-not-really-actually-quite-alive thing with a huge axe? How? Next I had to defeat the witches, and I found out that my Mirror Shield sucks in magic and shoots it back out! That is how I easily beat the witches, and they told me that they would be back to haunt me…oh, I'm so scared…I'm shaking in my bright red tunic. Nabooru turned out to be the Sage of Spirit, and I got the final medallion and was vastly disappointed when I realized it was a real medallion, not filled with chocolate. I saw Rauru again, and he told me that someone awaited me in the Temple of Time. Ok, let's go.

Day Seventeen

Sheik was waiting for me in the Temple of Time. I found out two interesting facts while I was there. One, that it was actually Zelda! Oh my, it couldn't have been Zelda; you are way too pretty, and how did an ugly little child go to looking like this? Number two, was that I held the Triforce of Courage, so I wasn't as strong as I thought I was…it was the triforce at work? What a let down, and how come I never noticed the big triangle on the back of my hand? You think I would have at least noticed. Zelda bears the triforce of wisdom, why, I don't know. To me she isn't the sharpest sword in Hyrule. It wasn't hard to realize that she bore a triforce; she practically had it everywhere! It was on her dress and even her earrings! It was like putting a sign on her back that said 'I have a part of the triforce, come and get me!' I am surprised that Ganondarf hasn't found her yet, wherever he is.

Zelda apologized for meeting me in disguise. Whatever, it doesn't make up for running around and stalking me as an it or whatever you were, and playing your mini-harp for me at the temples. Do you think I could sleep at night knowing you were out there somewhere watching? I mean I had nightmares! If you think about it, I haven't even eaten anything since….I don't quite remember when….I am not even hungry.

Zelda gave me the light arrows, I guess so I don't run into anything in the dark. Then she was encased in this huge pink crystal like a rupee. If she was a rupee I bet she would be worth a lot. I would sell her for a lot, maybe Ganondarf would buy her from me? At the time, I was wondering how to fit her under my shield, when I heard his voice out of nowhere--he found me first! Funny, I could hear him, but I couldn't see him. He was really starting to creep me out. Ganondarf said if I wanted Zelda I would have to go to the castle to rescue her. Zelda rose up toward the ceiling and then disappeared right before my eyes. Hey, you have to pay me two thousand rupees to keep her! No money fell from the sky, even after I had sat there for a while. Zelda and Ganondarf were gone, and I was without any money. I guess I would have to go to Ganon's Castle and rescue her. I decided to hold off from rescuing Zelda right away. She deserved to be punished after what she did to me. I wondered what kind of game Ganondarf was playing now, because I sure didn't like it.

I left the Temple of Time and decided to stop at Lon Lon Ranch, since it had been ages since I had visited Malon, and of course I wanted to see the horses too… I didn't want to see just Malon, no. Right now I was mad at my best buddy, and he could rot with Zelda in his stinking castle for all I cared, but I had things to do before I planned a rescue.

Reviewers: Sorry everyone, it has been ages since I had updated. I apologize.

Sireen: YEAH YOU BETTER APOLOGIZE! I nagged her for ages to update… insolent child.

Uber Spoonz- Haha the carpenters were very scary. I wonder what went through the creators of Zelda's heads when they made that section of the game?

Vladimir the Hamster- OoT was my favorite Zelda game, I don't know if you played Majora's Mask but I thought that it was hard!

Hopeless Maiden- Sorry about the long wait. Poor Link can't help it if he sounds like a sarcastic ten year old girl.

Knuckles Spyro Fox Link Zidane Sora Artemis- I always run around and do things! I try to see what objects I can blow up and what not.

Zoraangel- Well thanks for coming and reading my story!

Kioasakka- I hate the Shadow Temple also, it was my least favorite. I did like the Spirit Temple though.

Somone10001- Thanks for reviewing and trying to get me to update!

Ordinary Person- Link is going to get Epona in the next chapter. Thank-you for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: Yes, this is under the name SireenC, but I assure you that it was, in fact, her sister Peleus who wrote this…Sireen is currently unable to write humor, as school is too close to being in session. So, Peleus, who is very obsessed with the games of Link (mostly the N64 Ocarina of Time, of which this is written from), decided Link needed a diary…er, a journal to write his adventures in. So, this came about, and here you go. THIS IS A WORK IN PROGRESS. She has more written, but will be updating regularly…hopefully.

Disclaimer: I do not own Link or anything or anyone else that belongs to the rightful owners of Link and everything/everyone else. They belong to someone who isn't me. They're not mine. Don't even own the idea of a journal.

Day Eighteen

I arrived at Lon Lon Ranch at about midday; although, actually I am not quite sure what time it was, because it looks the same outside until it is night time. Then it gets dark, even though the sun moves--I don't stare at the sky. I have things to kill, temples to beat. Anyway…where was I?

When I arrived at Lon Lon Ranch, I found that it had greatly changed. First off, there was a horse head on a gate that was never there before. There was never even a gate there before, in fact; and why there was a horse head on it was beyond me. Next, was that Ingo said he owned the place and made you pay to ride the horses! What a rip-off, I mean paying to ride a horse for about two minutes! I paid up and went into the horse pen. A horse had been there, saddled and ready, but I didn't want that horse. I called Epona and rode her instead.

After I rode her a couple of times, Ingo decided to make a fool of himself and race me. Haha, you're going down. We raced one lap around the outside of the horse pen, and all of the horses were cheering me on, not Ingo. Of course I won the race, and Ingo was going wild. He was practically ripping out his hair. It gave me such satisfaction to see him lose. He wanted to go around another lap, and if I won I could keep the horse.

Ingo was an idiot…of course I would win again, and he would make a fool of himself in front of these horses and Navi, too. Again, we went around the track outside the horse pen and once again, surprise, I won. Ingo was freaking out worse then last time I beat him, and I feared for my life. He asked me if it was Epona that I was riding, and I could only shrug. The horse came when I played Epona's song on my ocarina, but who knows if it is actually her. It could be a horse that likes pretty music?

Then Ingo decided that I could keep Epona, but I couldn't leave the ranch. What! I was at the time really starting to hate this guy. The gates shut, and I was locked in. Ingo looked mighty proud of himself, and I wanted to pound him into the ground. I then rode around the ranch, wondering how I would ever save Zelda now. Then I didn't care at all about her, since I was trapped in Lon Lon Ranch without food…not that I was hungry that is. I decided to wait until Ganondarf came looking for me. He would have to get bored waiting around for me.

Then the unexpected happened--well I never saw it coming anyway, Navi might have. Epona took off at full speed and jumped over the huge wall, while I clung to her back. I swear I saw my life flash before my eyes. I realized I was very much alive, so I rode off to tell Talon to get back to his ranch. Talon thanked me for saving Malon, even though I didn't actually save Malon. I saved myself. I will take the praise anyway, though. Another mission accomplished, and I live to die another day.

Day Nineteen

I have still not gone to rescue Zelda yet. I simply don't feel like it. Navi keeps bugging me to go, but she better shut up if she knows what is good for her. I decided to go to Gerudo Fortress to play some games--archery is my specialty. On my way to the archery field, I realized to my horror that I never completed the Training Grounds and never got the Ice Arrows! How did I live this whole time without ice arrows? I don't know either, so if you know, please tell me.

After going through some easy battles, I opened the chest and found…a chest full of ice. Um…there must be a mistake, I need ice arrows not just ice. I reached in and pulled out a big hunk of ice with an arrow encased inside. Great, how does this work again? I shrugged, shoved the ice chuck and arrow under my shield, and left.

I continued on to the archery field, hoping to do good. Epona was nervous, but who won't be if I was doing archery from your back? The lady told me I needed a horse…was she blind? If so she shouldn't be handling arrows. I was sitting on a big, fat, chestnut colored thing! What else do you call this?

The first time I attempted this game, I failed miserably. I got under a thousand, and in fact, I only got ten. I told you I was bad at archery. The lady laughed at my horrible skills and told me to try again. It took me a long time to get better with my bow. The lady was now rich from me playing so much that I think she quit, and they put a new girl in. Then again, they all look the same so I won't know even if they did.

I finally got over a thousand; I got a thousand and one hundred the first time and a thousand and seven hundred the second time. The lady had a heart attack before handing me my prizes.

Day Twenty

While in town today, I loaned a mask from the Happy Mask Shop. The store did not make me very happy. I borrowed the Keaton Mask, which was very odd looking. I sold the mask to the guard at the gate to Death Mountain because his little boy wanted it, but I don't want to meet his son. He then put it on--what a liar! He said it was for his son, not him.

The next mask I got was the Skull Mask, which I sold to skull kid in the Lost Woods. Only he would want such a mask; after all, he is Skull Kid so he should wear a skull mask too, I guess. He gypped me on the price, but I guess he would not have much money anyways; that was probably his whole life savings.

The Spooky Mask was after the skull mask. It was not spooky, just kind of weird. I sold it for full price to the kid who plays in the graveyard, the rich little kid. He said the mask makes him look more like Dampe. If I was Dampe, I would have murdered the kid. Dampe is ugly, but not that ugly.

The last mask I had to sell was the Bunny Hood, but I wanted to keep it for myself because it made me look cuter. I sold it to the jogger guy who runs around Hyrule Field. He rambled something about finally being one with the wild. I sold it to him for more money then I could count. I could hold 500 rupees, and he filled it clear up. Heh heh, I am now rich!

TBC

Reviewers:

Vladimir the Hamster- As for Zelda and Ganondarf…well let's not go there :)

Ordinary Person- Sorry that the chapters are not as funny as they used to be, but at least they are still somewhat good.

Spoonz- Link, I believe, can use his longshot to get to Gerudo Valley.

Hopeless Maiden- That's ok, sometimes I need yelled at…ask my sister. Link can use his longshot to get to Gerudo Valley I believe.


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